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Coming/Going Home

7/1/2007 11:09:52 PM

Ho-ichi

1 posts

Coming/Going Home
(United States)

Today I've been reflecting on coming/going home. I just turned 50 last November. I feel like I am coming home to a place I have not yet lived in. I am coming home to my true self in Jesus Christ. I have also begun the last half of my journey home to God. Growing up in an abusive family home was always an unsafe and scary place for me with little love and acceptance. I treid to get the love and acceptance I craved through performance and perfection. I entered the ministry because the leader of the youth ministry I particiapted in when I became a Christian always stressed that full-time Christian service was the ideal and he encouraged me to pursue full time ministry. Well I got married, went to seminary and started in full time ministry only to have my marriage crumble when both my wife and I had affairs. I left ministry, entered therapy, found some healing and married the woman I had the affair with. We rebuilt our lives, I entered ministry again, part-time, as a correctional chaplain, then as an interim pastor, then as a full time-pastor, then as a full-time correctional chaplain. Things were going well in my ministry, but not in my soul. So much buried pain from the past kept bubbling to the surface, until I had another affair, this time with an inmate. I re-entered therapy with a new therapist, fessed up to my wife who forgave me and stuck with me through 3 years of hell as the abuse of my childhood finally surfaced in therapy life volcanic lava. I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. With each fall and trial my heart cracked open a bit more and our all compassionate Savior and Healer forgave and continued to rebuild me. It's been five years since my last fall. I am out of full-time ministry but not without ministry. I am a crisis intervention specialist now with Children's Mobile Response and Stabilization Services. My marriage is stronger than ever. I am focusing on my areas of giftedness: storytelling and compassion. I am coming home from a live lived for the acceptance of others to make me feel worth something to a life of authenticity for my audience of One. I am processing the failures of the past and learning to be at home with my true self in Jesus. I am becoming an "elder" and heading toward being an "ancestor." I want to use my life's gravitas and grace to lead others on a journey toward wholeness in Christ. Home is a strange new place I've longed for all my life and just recently discovered. I'm learning about my new home even as I am on the journey to my home in God. Ho-ichi Sunday, July 01, 2007 6:09:25 PM

7/4/2007 8:49:46 PM

Henri

28 posts

Re: Coming/Going Home
(N/A)

Ho-ichi, thank you for sharing your journey of redemption. You have clearly walked through miles of brokenness. I am blessed to know that you continue to fall at the feet of the master for his strength in your weakness.

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