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Hi all, I'm new here.
I'm struggling right now because of the conflict I'm experiencing between a growing interest in Christian tradition, ancient practices, liturgy and so on and what is typically offered in modern contemporary-style evangelical churches. I'm finding it harder and harder to remain in such a setting, even at a church that I know is doing a lot of good things and helping a lot of people grow in their walk with Christ. I'm just kind of weary of the bombastic praise music and the general lack of reverence and "quietness."
Case in point, it's Palm Sunday yesterday and I'm sitting in the auditorium trying to take a few minutes to prepare myself for the worship service, contemplate the significance of Palm Sunday and get myself oriented toward the coming days in Holy Week as we lead up to Good Friday and Easter. But all around me, there's chatter. People talking about sports, TV, catching up with friends and so on. I'm concentrating so hard to block it out that it's a little annoying. And there isn't really an altar or a prayer room one can slip away to for this sort of thing. Now, I don't fault the people for chatting. The church has never made any kind of emphasis on asking people to fellowship out in the lobby areas but to be reverent and quiet when they enter the auditorium so people can pray and prepare themselves. But this is just one example of things that never used to bother me but now nearly drive me to distraction.
The problem is, this is the church my wife likes. We also visited an Anglican church here in town that I really enjoyed. Aside from not knowing most of the hymns they played I loved it all: the collects, the responsive readings and corporate prayers, celebrating the Eucharist every week but especially the reverence with which it was all done. She liked it ok but is concerned about raising the kids in such a non-contemporary/accessible environment (not her words, just my paraphrase). We're trying to work things out and make a choice but the reality is that I may be faced with trying to make the best of things in a more contemporary environment that doesn't really cater to my newfound appreciation for traditional, historical Christian worship and formation.
Is anyone else feeling this struggle and how have you handled it?
Hi, Ragamuffin. I'm new here, too, so I guess it's welcome to both of us.
Yep, I've had a very similar struggle, and it's been challenging at points. I became a Christian I guess about 20 years ago, and at that time I joined a church that was really reverent and quiet and I felt sooo close to God in those quiet moments of church there (I was in college at the time). I've never had that experience with another church again, and I've really missed it. Since then, though, I've grown in lots of different ways spiritually and, more recently, have felt a strong pull toward spiritual formation and contemplative spirituality. We belong to a non-denominational church that is VERY, well...loud. I love our church, and I do love the praise and worship part of service, but there are times when I really want to enter into fellowship with God in peace and quiet and it just can't be found at our church. Our church is a megachurch, and I've talked to my husband about wanting to leave, but it is really the church he wants us to be at. At the time, I took it hard and I was pretty upset, but God, I think, has blessed my submission to my husband and I'm seeking to 'bloom where I'm planted,' so to speak. I'm now glad that we didn't leave --- not because my church has it all together, and certainly not because it's the best match for where I am spiritually. I've learned that it's not just about me, and I've seen God use me in the lives of the people there. And think of it, Ragamuffin --- if we leave, who will be there to see that our church hears those things it needs to hear? I've recently been in contact with my pastor, and I do think our church is in the process of growing in those areas that are particularly important to me. It may be a s l o wwwww process (!), but it's a process, all the same. I always said I would never raise kids in this church, yet we are doing exactly that, and God has certainly blessed my patience and submission. Also, I've had this thought: If your wife is less spiritually mature than you are, maybe this is the place she needs to be right now. I'd had that same thought about my husband --- he is stimulated at our current church and the messages really matter to him. I feel like wherever I am, I'm going to grow spiritually, regardless; I find other ways of feeding myself. My husband doesn't, necessarily (if that makes sense). So yes, there are so many things to consider, I guess. Know that I hear your heart in this and I will pray for you. Hang in there. God has good plans for you.
Grace,
Michele
That's actually a good point about my wife. I don't like to characterize her as less spiritually mature because that largely depends on what area of one's Christian walk we're talking about. But overall I'd say that I probably understand the Bible and theology and such more than she does. It's just frustrating because a year or so ago, this wouldn't have been a struggle at all. It sometimes makes me wish I never had these feelings regarding tradition and such and that I'd never visited the Anglican church. At least then I wouldn't know what I'm missing and I'd just be bee-bopping along at this church just fine. *sigh*
It's funny because I am going through a similar situation. My family and i are currently in transition as well. But we are actually looking for the oppisite. I came from a traditional setting in the Methodist Church. Then spent the last 4-5 years in a very contemporary atmosphere (Pentecostal roots) church. The one thing that both of these lacked was the Gospel. At the contemp chrurch, there was a lot of talk about giving, but the Church was not a very giving church to the community. In fact, they even made fun some times of the homeless as well as other churches that were doing other things that they weren't. The traditional church however just seemed dead to me not to mention the "clickish" atmosphere, which was found at both churches. So really, all churches in my area of NC, are like this with a few exceptions.
My wife is kind of like, "I am tired of searching for somewhere to go to church." Which raises the question, is there a perfect church? No. We are imperfect, so if there were a perfect church, we would screw it up eventually. SO, my conclusion is that worship is everywhere, everyday, at every moment. I look at church (the organazation in which we go on Sundays) should be a reflection of God. It should be a unison of people all focused on God. Not a social club. That is what small groups are for. I understand that is hard to get your mind and heart focused on worship with chatter in the back ground. Believe me, I have to climb a mountain just to get peace of mind sometimes when my 5 and 7 year old are running around the house. My thoughts are, for you and your wife to come to an agreement on a church body. Believe me, my wife and I have had many differnces of opinion. And also that you feel your kids will enjoy. I think that is very important that they WANT to go to learn about God. Hope this helps.
I recommend you read these 2 books: Irresistible Revolution (Shane Claibourne) and Wide Open Spaces (Jim Palmer) and anything by Tony Campolo.
Yeah, we're both weary of the church search, so we've basically narrowed it down to the Methodist church she likes and the Anglican one I like. But coming to an agreement is the whole problem. I wish we could agree but it's really just going to be a situation where one person gives up the things they want and one doesn't. There really doesn't seem to be a middle ground here.