Zach, I can relate to using "productivity" as a means for trying to guage how spiritual something is. Isn't it incredible how easy it is to turn our relationship with God into something that we can measure, or point to and say, "Look at how spiritual I am?"

I often find myself making the same move as you did to try and fix myself during prayer to show God that I am a good kid deep down. I find myself spending a lot of time in prayer creating action plans for bettering myself. I feel as though I can often try to hold up this image of myself to God and say, "Look at this God rather than at me. I'll do better, I promise."

I am constantly reminded that God should really be enough, but more often than not, deep in my heart, I don't believe he is. I want to continue in the flesh, as Paul states in Galatians, rather than by the Spirit.

In terms of the prayer project specifically, this is one I often come back to. After practicing it enough, it is easy to throw off the time constraints and spend time listening to God's leading in the time. Lately, I think God is calling me to sit in the midst of my brokenness, realizing that this is who he has died for - not the pretend me - but the real messed up me. It has actually turned from being a painful exercise to a real joy of sitting with the Father and have Him know me in grace, rather than in judgment.

Thanks for your thoughts brother. It seems as though God is calling you to himself for his own sake, rather than because he provides comfort, answers or excitement. But isn't he calling us all to that?!

Blessings, kyle